Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
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Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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