And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
im drinking this country out of the recession.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
