He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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