You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize
