Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
