All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
