Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Go christen that room with your naked body.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
