I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
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at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
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Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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