Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
