mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize