Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
