Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I look excited, but its just a facade.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
