Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I love having hate sex.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
