Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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