I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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