hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
