dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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