Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
