This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
