they need to just BURY HIM!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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