Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
