Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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