I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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