I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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