I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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