I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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