Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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