I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
