Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
