these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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