I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
