Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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