I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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