Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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