Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
