somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
