do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
