you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
