what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
