Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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