I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
