the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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