Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Send help, water and tortillas.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
