he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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