Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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