i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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