I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
