Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
it's like iHOP with fire
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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