i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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