I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
