when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
