I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
...so i touched it.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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