Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
