I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
