Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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