community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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