i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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