You're my little dorito
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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