I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Randomize
