3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
