I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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