Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
