he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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