trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
