Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
