I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
