It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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