I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
